because i need time

A. There are no bells designating the end or beginning of a period. We do have heritage gong… but the gong man or his hammer goes missing. Watch-less me is always late for classes.
B. There are no morning assemblies where I can see everyone. Huh… I used to like that.
C. There are BOYS in my college. Ergh…
D. Teachers teach out of syllabus and that is generally appreciated. Why? Hasn’t C.U provided enough?
E. I never understand what people eat… bringing lunch boxes will brand you an international loser. Eating in our canteen will give you jaundice, diphtheria, typhoid, cholera, plague, aids, influenza, swine flu, hydrophobia… (I did not study science… ever.)
F. I can’t surf books in the library. We have to submit orders, write a one million complicated information about a prehistoric book, its accession number, cupboard number, editor, publisher, book binder, the number of pages it has…. By the time I finish I forget the name of the book. It’s like filing a lawsuit in an Indian court.
G. Wearing civilian/ color dress is very tedious. I hate ironing. I don’t have so many clothes. I hate combing my hair every morning. I can’t even slick my hair with smelly coconut oil anymore.
H. I hate staying in college till 5. I want my afternoon sleep.
I. People in college borrow money or ask for treats. For the first time in my life I am running short of cash.
J. I have to say hi to too many people I dislike. In fact I hate saying hi … I would much rather prefer a hello or hola. Why do people feel so ecstatic every morning that they shout with glee and scream hi into my ears?
K. People smoke in our college and do not do classes. If one does classes and does not smoke one is branded loser for life. (I am one… but I would not want to be a loser for these reasons)
L. I miss my friends.
M. there are attractive male teachers ( they are not dancing sir or drawing sir or Eric or Muhammad or Rehan)
N. There are too many free periods, I run out of gossip material.
O. People gossip a lot, more than me. Besides there’s a ‘political connotation’ to everything.
P. A smell slightly more pungent than skunk odor pervades our college; it is formed of dog shit, men, ganja and biri. Very soon it will form the gas Hitler used for holocaust. Very soon it will be taken by the big daddy and Osama rhyme alike man.
Q. There are some beautiful intelligent girls, who play the guitar, tennis, what not and send me into depths of inferiority complex.
R. There are too many pigeons and crows that are against me. They bombard me white. It has been three days college has opened and some bird has shat on me twice. I do not know if it was the same bird and I am trying to figure out if it was a crow or a pigeon… any knowledge about bird poop, how to get it off a brand new white top and how to avoid being birded every morning is welcome.
Ps: I think I look like an inverted commode, really.


S. I fumble in class when handsome teachers ask me questions or I want to query them. These handsome teachers are usually above fifty.
T. Water logging in college. It comes up to people's knees but up to my waist.
U. People make too many faux De pas which is a sore for my aging eyes.
V. I can never get what I want in this college. (the same old story)
W. I have PHILOSOPHY as my pass subject. My teacher asked me to prove that a chair is a table.
X. Most girls in my class have already had it. Refer to alphabet.
Y. We have an exam next week. I will fail.
Z. I miss school. My barrel shaped skirt, Mrs. Paul’s beautiful feet, our library chats, the sun on our balcony, the uppermost gossip breeding staircase, sister’s sad jokes, the dirty cats I always planned to kick, girl watching, the pigeons on our roof (who by the way NEVER shat on me) and each and everyone.